Fear: because it alerts to close the door for failure.
Guilt: because it refrains from doing wrong.
Excitement: because it stimulates activity.
Curiosity: because it probes new ideas.
Compassion: because it permits human relationship.
Interest: because it helps in progress.
Some of these emotions are often treated as negative but these can be channelized to become positive. An emotional winner only does this. Additionally, he knows when what emotions are relevant. He knows:
A time to enjoy, and a time to pause.
A time to speak and a time to be silent
A time to be hurry and a time to wait.
A time to confront and a time to withdraw.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to fight and a time to love.
A time to be aggressive and a time to be passive.
A time to be angry and a time to be pleasant.
A time to be together and a time to be alone.
An emotional loser, on the other hand, always look into his past. He remains busy in counting his past successes, if there is any. If there is no such success, he remains busy in counting the successes of his parents and even ancestors. He believes in the proverb, “My forefathers has eaten ghee (melted butter), smell my hands.” Instead of taking lessons from his past, the emotional loser often curses himself that “If I had done this or that; if I had been married to someone else; if I had chosen that field; if I had been born rich, and so on.” Such a thinking may give an emotional loser some solace for the time being, but this complicates his matter further.
He does not realize that his past miseries cannot be undone, only their negative effects can be eliminated provided a right approach is adopted.
Helen Keller has said:
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.
By adopting a right approach, the emotional loser can transform himself and become an emotional winner. Many emotional losers tend to become ultimate losers by boasting some of their qualities disproportionately.
Consider the following example given by Daniel Goleman, one of the proponents of emotional intelligence:
One dimensional COO:
The chief executive officer(CEO) fired the chief operating officer (COO) of a company, one of the ten largest companies in the information technology sector in the USA. When the CEO was questioned about the rationale of this decision, he told, “the COO was extraordinarily talented, brilliant conceptually, a very powerful mind. He was great on the computer, knew the numbers up, down and backward. That is how he got to be COO. But he was not a brilliant leader, not even particularly likeable. He was often brutal in his responses. In groups, he was socially awkward; he had no social graces, or even social life. At 45, he had nobody he was close to, no friends. He worked all the time. He was one-dimensional. That is why I finally let him go.”
What does this example show? In majority of cases, a COO is groomed by the CEO to take his place in future. But in this case, the reverse has happened because the COO had very high IQ but very low EQ. on the IQ front, he was a winner, but on the EQ front, he was a loser and ultimately, he lost his job. You can get several examples showing how emotional losers invite troubles for themselves. Therefore, become emotional winner if you want to become excellent.
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