Bertrand Russell has said:
We know too much and feel too little. At least, we feel too little of those creative emotions from which a good life springs.
In many cases, people do not remain aware about their negative emotions. Consider the following example:
No one cares for me:
A person was working in a company at a relatively high position. He had a high profile career, was smart, conscientious, and well-organized. However, he was not popular among his colleagues. This person developed a feeling that he cared for everyone but no one cared for him. Each time a function used to be organized, he was not an invitee. No one liked to take lunch with him during lunch period. On each such occasion, the person used to feel let down by his colleagues and he used to reinforce his feeling that he cared for everyone but no one cared for him. The fact was that he used to become irritated and angry even on small matters. Many of his colleagues used to comment, “He does not know when he gets angry. It is only after he has released his pent-up feelings, he realizes that he was angry.”
You can find many such persons around you who are not ready to accept that their emotions are hurting themselves and others. Even if they are aware about such emotions, they are not ready to accept this fact. This is perhaps to protect their ego(a kind of false pride). For example, some people develop fear about certain objects or events but consciously, they do not accept it because they feel that acceptance of fear will turn them to be coward from being brave. With the result, in order to protect their ego, they remain fearful from some objects and the number of such objects goes on increasing. Therefore, identify your emotions in a comprehensive way and do not bring your ego(if there is any) unnecessarily. Identifying of all your emotions is important because only after thorough identification of your emotions, you can manage these effectively.
In order to identify your emotions, you can proceed in the following manner:
Your emotions reflect your behavior. Therefore, recollect all those events and situations having emotional contents and also recollect the behaviors that you displayed in each event or situation. For example, if someone has criticized your behavior, how you have taken it. In this way, you may become aware about your emotions.
After identifying your emotions, classify your emotions into two categories – positive and negative. While classifying your emotions into positive and negative, you must keep in your mind that the so called negative emotions are not negative in absolute form; it is only their untimeliness and high degree that is negative. For example, if you are angry modestly when needed is not bad. It is bad only when either you become angry out of proportion or become angry when it is not needed. This way, you can identify which emotions and in which degree are positive or negative to you.
In the process of identifying your emotions, you can take the help of your well wishers like your family members, friends, and others. These persons can let you know many of your emotions which yu may not identify on your own. Often, a part of one’s personality remains hidden from self but others can know it from his behavior. Your well wishers might be aware about this part of your personality. While seeking help from your well wishers do not feel shy or bring your ego unnecessarily. After setting proper environment for discussion, your simple question to them, “what are my emotions that hurt you? Will do the work. Be sure, if you are putting this question with your open mind, you can expect the same from them to whom you are putting the question; your expectation will not be belied.
Your emotions reflect your behavior. Therefore, recollect all those events and situations having emotional contents and also recollect the behaviors that you displayed in each event or situation. For example, if someone has criticized your behavior, how you have taken it. In this way, you may become aware about your emotions.
After identifying your emotions, classify your emotions into two categories – positive and negative. While classifying your emotions into positive and negative, you must keep in your mind that the so called negative emotions are not negative in absolute form; it is only their untimeliness and high degree that is negative. For example, if you are angry modestly when needed is not bad. It is bad only when either you become angry out of proportion or become angry when it is not needed. This way, you can identify which emotions and in which degree are positive or negative to you
In the process of identifying your emotions, you can take the help of your well wishers like your family members, friends, and others. These persons can let you know many of your emotions which yu may not identify on your own. Often, a part of one’s personality remains hidden from self but others can know it from his behavior. Your well wishers might be aware about this part of your personality. While seeking help from your well wishers do not feel shy or bring your ego unnecessarily. After setting proper environment for discussion, your simple question to them, “what are my emotions that hurt you? Will do the work. Be sure, if you are putting this question with your open mind, you can expect the same from them to whom you are putting the question; your expectation will not be belied.
Based on the above steps, list out the emotions which need to be controlled and regulated. Put these emotions in priority by taking the ease with which a particular emotion can be controlled as the basis. The emotions that are likely to take longer time may be put later. This will facilitate you in bringing all the emotions at the optimum level.
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